Heavy Metal Band Slayer in 2016

Slayer were the only good heavy metal band ever and they stopped being good in 1988, so what the fuck are they doing here? Oh yeah, they’re playing two concerts to launch a DVD so that they can squeeze some more money out of their deluded fanbase who think that liking a Satanic rock band who write songs about Auschwitz somehow makes them dangerous and interesting.

Unsurprisingly, tonight’s first hours of new material is completely worthless and a waste of time to anyone who has anything to do in their lives other than be a self-delusional pseudo-rebel banging on about the internet.

But, let’s skip to the encore where they play the whole of their best album, ‘Reign In Blood’, back to back and, briefly, we’re reminded why we liked them in the first place – when we were 15.

The four leather trouser-wearing old men onstage can play their instruments really fast and when it rocks (‘South Of Heaven‘, ‘Angel Of Death‘, ‘Necrophobic‘) it’s scarier than a pantomime full of ex-Turbonegro members.

As for the rest of their drawn-out heavy metal slop – could Slayer please just fuck off? Because music this stale is disgusing – a disgrace to fucking humanity. And as for the fans who still buy it, we should bring back capital punishment so we can chop off their heads in front of the dumbfucks who sired them. Oh, and before we piss on their unmarked graves we should get rabid hyenas to fuck them in their eye-sockets.

Slayer is an American thrash metal band from Huntington Park, California, formed in 1981 by guitarists Jeff Hanneman and Kerry King. Slayer rose to fame with its 1986 release Reign in Blood, and is credited as one of the “big four” thrash metal bands, along with Metallica, Megadeth, and Anthrax.

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